


If Only in my Dreams

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Christmas Blues, F/F, F/M, Feeling lonely, Love Lost - Freeform, M/M, pinning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 12:38:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13434885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: Square Filled: Entrepreneur!MishaA/N: This done for @spnaubingo and this idea is one of my own. It came to me listening to I’ll Be Home for Christmas from Jason Manns Christmas with Friends.Thanks to my sweet, lovely @mysupernaturalfics for betaing this for me.***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***





	If Only in my Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Square Filled: Entrepreneur!Misha
> 
> A/N: This done for @spnaubingo and this idea is one of my own. It came to me listening to I’ll Be Home for Christmas from Jason Manns Christmas with Friends. 
> 
> Thanks to my sweet, lovely @mysupernaturalfics for betaing this for me.
> 
> ***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***

His apartment was dark when Misha finally made it home. He had been volunteering at the homeless shelter tonight, serving food for the people who had nowhere else to go. He was smiling and laughing, as he lived out his dream.

See, Misha had never worked his ass off to build his software firm from the ground up into the billion dollar corporation it was today for the love of the job or even for the money. He had done it because he wanted to make a difference in the world. He never wanted to get rich. He wanted to have a voice and the means to make the world a better place. Somewhere along the way he managed to lose sight have what made the world a better place for himself.

In college Misha had been in an unusual relationship. He had had two people who loved him dearly and whom he loved more than anything in the world. They had been there for him, until he stopped being there for them. As his business took off, work took over. He started forgetting important days and date nights. He kept telling himself that that was how things had to be in the moment, but eventually Y/N and Jensen had given him a choice. They were worried for him. They told him he was no longer someone they recognized. He was stressed all the time and they missed him. He hadn’t seen their concern back then. All he had heard was the ultimatum. His dream or them. Misha had walked out in anger that night, but had regretted his choice ever since.

He had drowned his sorrows the day the wedding invitation came in the mail. He had pushed every thought about his two best friends and the loves of his life aside, every day since he had sat outside the church, vision blurred from tears, watching their laughter and smiles as they approached a married couple.

Misha wasn’t jealous. Their relationship had never been like that. They all loved each other and Misha was happy for them. He was happy they were still together and that they still made each other smile, just like they always had. He was lonely.

He missed talking to them and sharing his day with them. He missed the mischievous smiles when two were ganging up on one jokingly. He missed the touches and the kisses. He missed dancing around the living room with Y/N as Jensen sat on the couch shaking his head at them. He missed watching Y/N teased Jensen until he threw her over his shoulder and carried her to the bedroom, yelling at Misha to give him a hand. He missed Jensen’s strong arms being wrapped around him when he was cooking the tree of them dinner. He missed the little bubble the three of them had been in and the love that most other people wouldn’t understand.

That’s how Misha had felt sitting outside the church that day and that was how he was feeling sitting alone in his house on Christmas Eve. He knew he didn’t have a right to look at their facebook pictures anymore. He didn’t have a right to smile through his tears, witnessing their love and happiness. He didn’t have a right to know anything about them anymore. He had lost that right when he had walked out on the best thing he had ever had two years ago. He simply couldn’t stop himself. He still loved them and part of Misha knew he would never stop feeling the way that he felt.

He would never stop being happy when he saw the adoration in Jensen’s eyes when he looked at her. An adoration that had at one point been Misha’s and Y/N’s to share. Just like the admiration on love in her eyes had belonged to him as well as Jensen back then. Even with the pain clenching his chest and threatening to shatter his heart into a million pieces, he was still happy for them. He still loved them as much as he had the first day they had confessed their feelings to each other. He never stopped wanting them happiness even if would never find a love like the one he had shared with the two of them ever again.

Then he saw something. Something that made his heart skip a beat, the the rush of blood to his ears make the world around him spin. Over the fireplace there were three stockings. For a second Misha thought they had, had a child, but he knew both of them well enough to know there would have been other evidence of that on their profiles. Maybe they had something else in their life now? Maybe they had been able to replace his love even if he could never replace the love he had shared with them.

Misha scooted forward in his seat to get a closer look at the screen. He squinted as he noticed Jensen’s name on one of the stockings and he could make out the first letter of Y/N’s on the other. The one in the back however gave him trouble. So he did something he knew he shouldn’t. Even being on her profile was borderline stalking, saving her pictures was out of line, but Misha did it anyway.

He saved the picture, downing the whiskey in his glass, closing his eyes, bracing himself before he zoomed in on the picture. No amount of preparation could have readied him for the name he read. It wasn’t clear but it was clear enough for him to completely lose his breath as he slid of the couch crying.

_Misha_

They hadn’t forgotten about him. They had never stopped loving him, just like he had never stopped loving them. Misha wasn’t sure how long he was on the floor crying for, but at last he managed to get his breathing under control enough to push himself back on the couch. He frantically searched her profile with no luck, so he switched to Jensen’s. Within seconds he was holding his phone with Jensen’s number glowing on the screen and his finger hovering above the call button.

He needed to know. If he still had a chance, he wouldn’t screw it up again. He would show them they were the most important thing in his life. He would be there for him when they needed him and he would put them first always. If he still had a chance he would prove to them he had never stopped loving them and that he was sorry he didn’t see things clearer before. They were his real dream and they always would be.

Misha took a deep breath, swiping the screen and the dial tone sounded twice before Jensen’s deep voice sent a shiver through his body.

“Hello…”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave feedback! it keeps me writing!


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